


Anamnesis

by lokixarchangel



Series: Lost Time [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A/B/O, Abusive John Winchester, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha Sam Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Attempted Sexual Assault, Child Abuse, Depressed Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Lost Time, M/M, Omega Dean, Omega Dean Winchester, Omega Gabriel, Omegaverse, Past Child Abuse, Prequel, csa survivor dean winchester, john is abusive, living in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:53:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26825449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokixarchangel/pseuds/lokixarchangel
Summary: An-am-ne-sesThe remembering of things from a previous existence.Or, Dean and Castiel's story from my fic Living In the Past
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Lost Time [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867264
Kudos: 24





	1. Year 1

Dean sighed as he hugged his jacket tighter around himself, coughing a bit as he stepped into the cold air. He was headed to his work, a waiter at a local diner. Cliche but it was the only place that’d hire a twenty-year-old homeless omega. Sammy was at Bobby’s but Dean just… couldn’t handle it at the moment.   
And Bobby was struggling, himself. So, once Dean turned eighteen, he just left. He still saw Sammy and Bobby for holidays and birthdays, not wanting to just ditch them. And Bobby tried to get Dean to stay, but something was keeping Dean from staying. He just didn’t wanna be a burden, anymore. 

He always felt like a burden. Like he was some kind of… heavy bag that everyone only carried so they wouldn’t make him feel bad. But he knew he was heavy. He just didn’t wanna inevitably be dropped. 

So, he slept in the car he’d received from Bobby. And worked at a diner so he could afford food and start saving up for an apartment. 

He closed his car door and locked it, before heading into the diner and heading to the counter to clock in. A familiar smell invaded his senses and he internally sighed. Tonight was not going to be a good night. Alastair was working. 

Alastair was one of the cooks and he had a thing for Dean. For young omegas in general. Had even tried to pay for sex with Dean. God, he made him feel gross just thinking about it. 

And his smell… he smelled a lot like his dad. Which probably didn’t help matters. Booze, and sex. But not the good kind. The kind that makes you feel like throwing up afterward and that you try to never think about again but months later, when you start to drink again, you feel the dread creeping in and all you can think about are his hands creeping up your boxer shorts and-

Dean stopped, running to the bathroom and throwing up into the toilet. He gagged on the scent from the toilets. They really weren’t the cleanest. He pushed all thoughts of his father out of his mind. No. He had promised himself he wouldn’t go down that rabbit hole again. 

He ran a hand down his face. No, this wouldn’t be a good night. He needed to finish clocking in before his manager had a fit. 

After clocking in, he got an apron on and started to take orders from his part of the restaurant, ducking around Alastair and his many attempts to get grabby. Overall, his shift was boring. Rude customers, grabby customers. All the same as his other shifts. Then, a customer got particularly mad at Dean turning him down for a “night of fun” and got in his face. 

Dean tried to stay calm, but it was all too familiar and he started to panic and shut down, cowering back. Which only seemed to satisfy the angry customer and make him louder. Eventually, when Dean wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold off from crying, another young man came over. 

“Excuse me, sir?” The other man asked the angry customer. “I think you dropped this.” He smiled and held out the man’s wallet. Dean realized the man had taken the angry customer’s wallet. He tried not to laugh. 

The angry customer seemed to stop yelling in surprise and kinda just left in confusion. The man offered a kind smile to Dean. “Hello. I think we may know each other.”

“I’m sorry?” Dean frowned, but he had realised he did recognize the other man. “You’re Gabriel’s brother, right? The kid who went missing? My little brother was best friends with him.” His senses were almost overwhelmed with rain and… leather? Dean had to resist the urge to lean into the source, having a hunch it was coming from the man he’d identified as an alpha.  
The man smiled sadly. “Castiel, yes. You must be Dean, then. How have you been?”

Dean went to answer and then stopped. “I… Um… I’ve been… okay?” He shrugged. 

Castiel frowned softly. “You don’t sound so sure. When do you get off, we should catch up?” 

“In about thirty minutes, actually…” Dean smiled. 

“See you, then.” Castiel nodded and headed back to his table.

It was a silly thing to be excited for but it made the last thirty minutes go by faster, having something to look forward to. He pulled his jacket on at the end of the night and went to meet up with Castiel, smiling as he saw him waiting by his car. He went over to him. “Hey. I just got off…”

Castiel smiled. “Hello. I’m assuming you don’t want to eat where you work.” 

“God, no.” Dean shook his head, immediately. He didn’t want to deal with Alastair cracking jokes and telling him to “use protection” and to “save some action for him.” Dean resisted gagging at the thought of Alastair’s touch. No thanks. 

Dean’s reaction was apparently amusing, as it made Castiel laugh. “Alright. Well, I know somewhere pretty good. Do you wanna stop by your place and change? I can’t imagine it’s nice being in dirty greasy clothing.”

Dean glanced behind him at his car. He didn’t really want Castiel to know he was homeless. “Um… no thank you. I’ll just stay in this.” He smiled. 

Castiel nodded and opened the passenger door for him. Dean snorted. “You don’t have to do that, I can open doors myself.”

Castiel frowned. “”I’m sorry, I was just trying to be polite.”

“No, no, it’s alright. I was just teasing.” Dean reassured and then smiled to show that. 

Castiel got in the driver’s seat, looking a little relieved. “Oh. I’m glad then.” He smiled. 

He started to drive them to the restaurant. Dean noticed him occasionally glance at him. Dean smiled to himself. He felt like a dumb teenager, flirting with a crush. He enjoyed the feeling.

They stopped in front of a “fast casual” restaurant and Castiel led them up to the counter where they ordered and then sat. “So… how have you been? Lately?”

Dean faltered. Should he tell the truth? No, Castiel probably didn’t want the truth. “I’ve been… fine.” He pushed a smile on his face. “Typical stuff.” 

Castiel nodded a bit. “That’s… good.” He didn’t look convinced. “How has Sam been?”

“Well, he was pretty upset after Gabriel went missing but… I dunno. I think he’s working hard to distract himself. I know it was pretty recent… Have you and your family been okay?”

Castiel seemed to consider the question. “Honestly? No. My father just… isn’t himself anymore. He’s so tired and quiet now. None of the kids seem to get that he’s gone. The youngest ones seem to think he’s just away at Rowena’s house.” He shook his head. “None of us have the heart to tell them. Though, I think they’re starting to realise.”

Dean nodded. “I remember he used to go often. Be honest… was it really Rowena’s house?”

Castiel looked surprised. “Damn, you’re observant.” He shook his head. “No, it was actually the mental hospital. Presenting as an omega hit hard. His hormones sends him all out of whack and he kept having break downs or attempting suicide. The school was insistent on the trips so we had to send him. He needed better help…” For a moment, Cas looked… defeated. “The police suspect suicide. With his history, it makes sense.” 

“But Sam insists that three men yanked him into a van.” Dean frowned. “Suicide doesn’t make sense with that angle.”

“I think they’re just ignoring that part. They don’t really seem to care.” Castiel shrugged. “We’re doing our best to find him but with no trace and just Sam’s account, they don’t seem to want to waste the effort.” 

“That’s awful, I’m sorry…” Dean frowned. “

Castiel just shrugged again. “Not much I can do, I suppose.” He looked up as the cashier brought them their food, setting it down. Omega wafted off of her and she smiled, getting a little flirty with Castiel as she asked if they needed anything.

Strangely, Castiel ignored her. “We’re good.” He smiled and nodded. She frowned and looked between them before going back up to the counter. 

Dean could have swooned. “I think she was flirting with you.” He chuckled.

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Well, that’s unfortunate. She’s not really my type.” He smiled and continued to eat. 

“What is your type then?” Dean hummed and took a bite of his burger.

“Tall, sassy, blonde, green eyes.” Castiel casually continued to eat. 

Dean wished he had control over his blush but he could feel himself turn a dark shade of red. “Flirt.” He mumbled and ate. Normally, he’d be a lot more… suave. But something about Castiel was messing that up. 

Castiel did his little half smile half smirk that he remembered from seeing him while their brothers hung out and Dean’s heart fluttered. He didn’t know that was a real thing hearts did. He quickly focused on his food. 

About an hour later, they were kicked out by the place so they could close. Dean smiled and got into Castiel’s car. “You can take me back to the diner’s parking lot for my car.”

“Do you mind if I follow you back to your place? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Dean stopped. “I… I um…”

“Sorry, I don’t mean for that to sound… creepy.” Castiel frowned.

Dean was quiet. “It wasn’t, don’t worry.” He mumbled. 

“Oh. Are you alright?” Castiel tilted his head.

Dean struggled to find an excuse. “I um… I don’t… Well, you see… I don’t really have a home…” 

Castiel blinked. “Oh. Okay. That’s alright, you can stay at my place then.” 

“Um…” Dean raised an eyebrow. “No?”

“It’s alright Dean, I have the space. I have a nice sized apartment.”

“I’m not gonna intrude on your personal space.”

“Really, it’s alright. I have a guest bedroom and everything. It’ll be fine.” Castiel offered that smirk/smile again and nodded. 

Dean hesitated. The idea of a bed sounded really nice… “Alright, but just one night.” 

Castiel smiled more and nodded. “Perfect.”


	2. A year later

Dean was settled into Castiel’s lap, a position he rarely found himself in. But he’d been having nightmares and he wanted the comfort. It’d been a year since they started dating, officially, and Dean still struggled with the whole… relationship thing.

Being vulnerable just wasn’t his area. They were watching a random movie that Cas had bought on the way home from his classes. He was getting a general diploma to make it easier to find a job. Dean had switched to a Mechanic’s shop, really good at fixing cars. 

Money was tight due to Cas having a previous argument with his father. Plus, Cas didn’t want to constantly be supported by his dad. Dean understood, so he was willing to find a better job to help. But, they could still afford random splurges here and there. This movie had been one. 

It was a typical romcom. Omega has daddy issues. Alpha is an asshole. Both get fixed by loving each other. Wooowwww. Dean chuckled at a funny scene where the Omega smears cake on the Alpha’s face in anger. “I think you’d look adorable covered in cake.” 

Castiel laughed and rubbed Dean’s back. “Don’t you dare.”

Dean pouted and laid his head on Cas’s shoulder. He breathed in his smell, frowning as he recognized his cologne. A ghost hand crept up his thigh and he tensed. “Please change your cologne-” He choked out and pushed himself away from Cas.

The alpha frowned and sniffed his shirt. “Alright. Here, I gotta shower anyway.” He paused the movie and went to the bathroom.

Dean hugged himself and took slow deep breaths to stay calm. He could feel the breathing on his neck and he could almost smell alcohol rotted breath, hitched from pleasure… 

He quickly stood up and scratched at his arms, paced while Cas was in the shower and distracting himself. He made sure he didn’t think about it, digging his nails in his arm so his mind was focused on the pain. 

It wasn’t working. It was so stupid that something as small as cologne triggered this. He hated it. He stuck his head out the window, breathing in the awful smell of the city and the dumpsters below to get the smell out of his nose. Finally, it went away and he relaxed as the feelings retreated.

Right about that time, Cas got out of the shower, coming back in just his boxer shorts.

Dean quickly turned around when he heard Cas approach and his mouth went dry as he saw him. That was definitely a lot more efficient of a distraction than he’d provided himself.

Castiel, as usual, was unaware. He held out his arms, still damp from the water. Dean immediately moved into them, allowing Castiel to situate him back in his lap. “Better?” Cas asked. 

Dean grinned. “Much. I think you should be like this all the time.” He started to kiss at Castiel’s neck. 

Cas laughed. “Hmm… but then we’d never get anything done.”

Dean laughed. “Sadly, I think that’s true… We’d always be busy.” He nipped at a spot he knew was sensitive, chuckling at the noise it pulled from Cas. 

“Dean…” He warned. He put his hands on Dean’s waist and lightly squeezed.

Dean grinned and nipped at another spot. “What?” He asked innocently at a tighter squeeze. 

“You know what you’re doing.”

“Do I?”

“You’re about to find out.” There was a slight growl in Castiel’s voice that sent shivers down Dean’s spine. 

Dean bit at Cas’s pulse point and gasped as he was rather roughly pinned to the couch, in an unfairly fluid motion. He grinned up at Cas. “Hello.” 

Cas did not respond, instead kissing Dean possessively, one arm sliding under him to pull him close, the other arm holding himself up right next to Dean’s head. Always careful not to hurt him, Dean noticed. 

He let his hands stray to Cas’s waistband, slipping his fingers under it and gasping as that triggered a grind from the alpha. He made a whine he would never admit to and lifted his legs to wrap them around Cas’s waist. 

Cas soon used the hand underneath Dean to somehow get Dean’s jeans unbuttoned. God, this man was unreal, Dean decided. 

He was counting down, waiting for the inevitable-

Cas pulled back. “Are you alright with this?” 

“My answer is always yes…” Dean smiled. Then, just to tease, he added, “alpha.” 

Cas’s pupils blew wide and he immediately got back to work. 

Dean laid there, feeling Cas’s breath on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and marveled at how Cas made him feel. With other alphas, he’d always felt… dirty after sex. He’d rarely been able to handle the cuddling part. 

Something about them just reminded him of his father but Cas was different. He was so careful with Dean. Even when riled up, he made sure he wasn’t actually hurting Dean. And he made sure Dean wanted to. Dean hadn’t experienced that with other alphas. Usually, they just kinda did their thing, made sure not to knot him, and then went to sleep. 

Sure, Cas was asleep, but he’d made sure Dean was satisfied first. And, he’d even asked if Dean could take a knot. Some nights, Dean didn’t let him. The worry of getting pregnant was too overwhelming. 

But some nights, he didn’t mind. This was one of those nights. He felt safe enough that he knew they’d figure it out if something happened. 

It was odd. How just after Dean felt that fear return, Cas could make him feel so… safe. Cas was the opposite of John so it made sense if Dean thought about it. But still. Dean was definitely glad for it. He just couldn’t help but feel surprised every time. 

He traced a scar on Cas’s chest. From falling off his bike when he was twelve, apparently. He winced at one on Cas’s side. Dean had gotten cornered by a couple of alpha assholes a few weeks after he’d met Cas and Cas had somehow managed to fight them off, with Dean’s help of course. Cas had gotten sliced with a knife though. 

That was the first night they’d had sex. Cas was all riled up from the fight and Dean was feeling… special. He’d never had an alpha just be willing to get hurt for him. 

Dean smiled to himself as he traced the scar again. He looked up at Cas and then kissed his chest, frowning as Cas stirred and woke up. “Sorry… Didn’t mean to wake you…”

“It’s alright.” Cas smiled and looked at Dean, doing that sleepy squint that Dean adored. Dean reached up and fluffed Cas’s hair. 

“Late night decaf?” Dean smiled. It was a small thing they did if they both were up late. They’d have some decaf coffee and would watch an episode of a show they both liked. 

“Sure.” Cas sat up and then suddenly lifted Dean up, carrying him bridal style. 

Dean laughed and lightly hit his chest. “Hey! I can walk!” 

“Are you sure? Damn, I was hoping I managed to wear you out a little more.” Cas kissed his cheek and then sat him at the kitchen island they had instead of a table. The kitchen was actually annoyingly small. 

“Almost. Maybe next time.” Dean teased. 

“Well, we always have the rest of the night.” Cas shrugged, nonchalant as he set the coffee up to brew. Dean watched Cas move, shivering at his words.

“That’s true…” He grinned.

Cas laughed and rinsed out some mugs before setting them in front of Dean. They both hated doing the dishes so they did their best to keep them clean by washing them when they used them. 

Dean picked his mug and then got up, getting out the creamer. “What classes do you have, tomorrow?”

Cas listed them off as he poured the coffee into the mugs. “They’re not until noon so don’t worry, I’ll get a good amount of sleep. I do have work, though, so I won’t be back until late.”

Dean nodded. “I do too. I’ll have Bobby give me a ride.” He kissed Cas’s cheek and then sat at the island again, mixing the creamer into their coffee. “I was thinking about your scar.”

“Please tell me you’re not gonna ask how I managed to fall into a dumpster off a bike again.” Castiel laughed. 

Dean snorted. “No. The other one.” He gestured to Cas’s side while leaning into him. 

“Oh? What about it?”

“Why were you so quick to defend me?” 

“Well… My pride wants to say it was because you were an omega and I didn’t like the idea of them hurting you. But… I didn’t want them to hurt you. Specifically. I had a crush on you. Well… I’ve had a crush on you. For a while. And I just didn’t want you to be hurt.” He shrugged and then buried his face in Dean’s hair. 

Dean closed his eyes. “Oh…” He smiled. “I just thought you had a thirst for danger. I mean… You did fall off of your bike into a dumpster.” 

“Dean!” He laughed. “I’m trying to be romantic and sappy.” 

“That’s your problem.” Dean grinned and looked up at him. He closed his eyes as Cas kissed him, soft and loving. 

“I… love you, Dean.”

Dean tensed and gasped. He looked up at Cas. His brain went blank. Did he love Cas? But, he eventually relaxed. “I love you too…”

Cas looked relieved as he kissed Dean again, holding him close.


	3. A year and a half later

Dean shivered as he tried to pull the blanket tighter around himself. Of course, a shitty apartment building meant the heat was broken again. They had been assured it would be promptly fixed but that was in November and it was now December. 

It was a year and a half later and problems had started. Cas was starting to act distant. He was picking up more shifts at his job and Dean worried Cas was avoiding him. This had led to high tensions. So, they were arguing frequently.

The new birth control Dean was on didn’t really help. It just made him more emotional and angry all the time. He felt bad so he had gotten Cas extra gifts to show he was sorry. 

A book by his favorite author, a new watch, and a better coat than the one he currently had. Cas had just turned 21 so they were celebrating that night with a movie, a cake Dean had taken so long to make, and some wine. 

Dean was starting to enjoy wine. It was a lot better than beer. 

Cas came home, exhausted as usual, and pulled off his coat. He had a wrapped gift box under his arm. He smiled when he saw Dean, kissing him. “Hello, beautiful.” He murmured. “You look freezing.” 

“I am freezing. The heater is still broken.” He sighed. 

Cas frowned. “It is? It’s been a month and a half.”

“Of course it is. You’d notice if you were home more.” Dean couldn’t help it. He winced. “Sorry. No arguing tonight.”

Cas smiled. “It’s alright.” He kissed him again and then set the gift box under the tree. “I’ll be home a bit more now.”

Dean relaxed. Good. They could make up for lost time. “I made a cake. For your birthday. The only boxed flavor they had left was chocolate.”

Cas smiled. “I like chocolate.” He went and looked at the cake. Dean held his breath, hoping he liked the frosting he’d done. “It’s beautiful.” Cas kissed his cheek and then went back out to his car for a bit, coming up with a space heater. “See? I did notice.” 

Dean almost melted. “Thank god.” 

Cas laughed and set it up by the TV, turning it on. Dean held his hands out over it like it was a fire and rubbed them together. “I think the wine is a popsicle now. I had to resist putting it in the oven to keep it from freezing.”

Cas nodded and got them their glasses, pulling Dean to the couch and settling in with him. “I think it’s fine.”

“Just fine?” Dean frowned. 

“It’s perfect, Dean.” Cas corrected, sighing softly. 

Dean frowned more. “Pretty sure fine isn’t a synonym for perfect.” He mumbled. 

Cas sighed again, taking a sip of the wine. “I meant that it’s perfect.” He murmured, burying his face in Dean’s neck. 

Dean pushed him away. “Clearly not if you said it was fine, first.” 

Cas set the wine on the coffee table and sighed once again. “Dean, come on. You know what I meant.”

“Do I?” He mumbled, huffing, and crossing his arms. “You’ve barely been home so maybe I forgot.”

“Dean, we’ve been over this, I was trying to earn a little bit of extra money.” Cas ran a hand over his face. 

“Yeah, but you never said for what.” Dean stood and went to the kitchen. 

Cas sighed and followed him. “It’s a surprise.”

“Right. A surprise.” Dean rolled his eyes. “It’s always a surprise.”

“I have no idea what that means but this really is a surprise.” Castiel gently touched Dean’s arm. “I promise.”

That was the snapping point. “Don’t! You know I hate promises!” He yanked away.

Cas immediately was on the defensive. “Well. how else am I supposed to get you to believe me?!” 

“I don’t know but don’t promise!” 

Cas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Dean-”

“Don’t. Don’t patronize me.”

“I’m not patronizing you. You’re being-” 

“What?! I’m being what?!” 

“Ridiculous! You’re being ridiculous!” Cas snarled. “You’re constantly looking for a reason to fight! This is stupid!” 

Dean crossed his arms. “Why do you always give me a reason, then?!”

“I don’t! You somehow find them on your own! Like a little argument detective!” 

“Wow, real clever!” He huffed. “You know I can’t help it! It’s these stupid pills that you suggested!”

“Only because you were petrified of being pregnant but I’d rather have you knocked up than aggressive all the time!” Cas’s eyes widened as he realized what he said. Pregnancy was a touchy subject for Dean. Dean had never let Cas know why, though. 

Dean turned around and hugged himself, fighting to keep the tears down. “I’m sorry I’m just trying to be careful.” He was trying to sound irritated but it just came out hurt. 

Cas wrapped his arms around him from behind. “Baby, you don’t have to be… I can see that these pills aren’t making you happy… They seem to really mess with you… I’d rather you be happy and healthy. We can figure it out if you get pregnant. Promise.” He murmured, kissing Dean’s neck. 

Dean relaxed a bit and sighed, closing his eyes. “I just… can’t handle the thought…” 

“Would it make you feel better if you see why I’ve been working so much?” 

“It would…” Dean nodded. 

Cas smiled and went and got the gift box, bringing it back over. “Open it.”

Dean hesitated but Cas nodded and nudged it to him. So, he carefully tore it open, gasping as he saw the leather. He pulled it out and inspected it. Dark brown with a sherpa inline to keep him warm. Dean recognized it, as he had very longingly stared at it in a department store. “You bought it?”

“Of course I did. I know you wanted it.” Cas smiled and wrapped an arm around Dean. “Finally had the money today.” 

Dean got up and quickly went to get the box that had the coat in it for Cas. It was made of a soft material but super thick. He’d gotten it for a good deal at a department store that was going out of business. “Here. Open it.”

Cas did as told and smiled. “Looks like we both had the same idea this year.” 

Dean nodded in agreement, kissing him, softly. “I’m… sorry for how I’ve been. It’s not fair of me to take it out on you.”

“It’s alright. I’m just glad you were honest with me this time.” Cas pulled him back to the couch and rubbed his side. “Let’s just enjoy tonight. Tomorrow, we’ll see about getting you off of those pills. Okay?”

Dean nodded a bit and smiled. “Okay…”

And then they just sat there and relaxed, enjoying a now peaceful night with each other.


	4. Another year

Dean fidgeted as he waited for Cas to get home, nauseous. Though, he wasn’t sure if that was the nerves or the baby. He had already thrown up twice so he wasn’t sure if his body could throw up again. 

He’d been anxious all day, terrified of Cas’s reaction to the news. While also telling himself there was nothing to be worried about. Cas had always been understanding about everything. Surely, he would be understanding about this. Surely. 

He was still worried about it. 

He focused on making dinner, since it was his turn that night, and every so often, touched his stomach. He hated this. He didn’t want a baby. Part of his worry was that Cas did. He had already scheduled an appointment with the clinic. He wasn’t gonna keep it. 

He just needed to tell Cas. 

Sure enough, right as he was setting the island, Cas walked in the door. He smiled and kissed Dean’s cheek. “Hello, beautiful.”

Dean attempted a smile, nerves just getting worse. He didn’t want to lose this. “Hi, we need to um… talk. About something.”

Cas frowned but nodded. He left to shower really quick and came back in lounge clothes, sitting at the island. 

Dean sat by Cas and looked down at his food. “I’m… pregnant.” He mumbled.

Cas tensed beside him. “You are?”

“I took three separate tests. I am.” He nodded. 

Cas was quiet, eating. “We’ll figure it out.”

“I already have an appointment set up with a clinic… I’d like you to come…”

Cas visibly relaxed. “Of course I’ll come, Dean.” He leaned over and kissed him, careful. “You don’t have to go through this alone. I love you and I support you in the decisions you make.” 

Dean relaxed and nodded, feeling so much relief that he had to struggle not to cry. He pressed his face into Cas’s neck and wrapped his arms around him. “Thank you…”

“You don’t have to thank me for being a good boyfriend.” He murmured, holding Dean close. “Promise.”

Dean Smiled. “Not many would do this with me.”

“Well, I will.”

Dean looked up at Cas, kissing him again. 

The appointment was scary. But in the end, Dean just had to take a pill and wait for it to pass. He was grateful it wasn’t anything huge. 

On the way home, Dean curled into Cas. It wasn’t new. Having to visit the clinic. He was just glad when Cas didn’t say anything about how the doctor already knew his name. 

He still wasn’t ready to explain it. 

He turned on the radio to the soft rock channel and closed his eyes, feeling safe with Cas right there. “Thank you for supporting me…”

“I always will, Dean.” He felt Cas shift around and then his arm was around him. “Promise.”

“Don’t promise.”

“I mean this one. I’ve meant all of them.” Cas rubbed Dean’s side. “I’ll prove that to you. Just watch.”

“You don’t have to prove anything.” 

“I still will.”

Dean quieted and nuzzled him. 

When they got home, Cas carried Dean up to the apartment, setting him on the couch so he could cook dinner. Dean turned on a movie and curled up. 

Cas smiled and brought over the food when he finished, sitting with him and cuddling him. “I love you Dean.”

“I love you too…” 


	5. One more year

Dean wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Cas angry. Irritated, sure. He’d once gotten so jealous Dean couldn’t walk for a couple days. But… angry? 

It was almost scary. Cas wasn’t yelling. He was sitting on the couch watching his phone, but his body occasionally trembled. His face was neutral and he had his hands clenched together, his face resting on them. 

Dean focused on the game he was playing, having just gotten an Xbox. “Baby, I don’t think they’re going to call until tomorrow.” 

“Just in case, I want to be here.” Cas growled. 

It wasn’t the kind that would make Dean shiver. Not at all. It reminded Dean of his father when he was angry. 

Dean looked back at the game and quieted. 

Cas sighed and moved over, hugging him from behind. “I’m sorry, I just- It’s hard. Knowing my baby brother is alive. And knowing where he is.”

Dean nodded. “I understand… I’m not upset.” He closed his eyes. “But… wouldn’t it be better to rest for a bit? So that way you can be clear-headed when they call.”

Cas nodded and nuzzled the back of Dean’s neck. “You’re right. They did say it would probably be the morning when they called.” 

Dean smiled. “Let’s take a bath, hmm? That way you can relax and clear your head. We’ll leave the phone close by so you can answer it if need be.”

Cas nodded and stood before scooping Dean up. He grabbed his phone on the way there, setting Dean on the toilet lid so he could run the water.

Dean reached under the sink, getting out the bubble bath and handing it to Cas. Cas had insisted on buying it and Dean had to admit he enjoyed it. 

Once the water had ran and they were in the bath, Dean behind Cas, he got the loofah, another thing Cas insisted on, and massaged Cas’s chest with it. “You’re so tense…”

It made sense. They were getting ready to move into a much bigger apartment. Moving was always stressful. And Cas had just found out what really happened to Gabriel. On top of that, Cas was also in the middle of a promotion and training for his new position. 

Dean felt bad. “Maybe, once we move, we’ll both take a week off of work. And we’ll get unpacked and just relax for a day.”

Cas laid his head back on Dean’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “I’d like that.”

Dean had noticed Cas’s voice getting much deeper over the years. He was also getting quieter. That also worried him. 

“Good…” Dean smiled and rubbed at his chest. “I love you…”

“I love you, too.” Cas relaxed more, in the water. “I’m sorry I’ve been getting so aggressive. I think I’m close to a rut.”

Dean smiled. “Good thing my heat is close, then. We’ll sync up for once.” 

Cas laughed. “Sex is always on your mind, hmm?”

“Hey! You brought up your rut.” Dean grinned, glad Cas was laughing. “But yes, it is. Honestly, I don’t know how I control myself with you so… available, like this…” 

Cas chuckled. “Trust me, it’s hard for me, too.” In a quick motion, Cas pulled Dean from behind him, and now in front of him. Dean suppressed a surprised squeal and laughed as water spilled out over the floor. “Hey! Now the floor is wet!”

Cas snorted and kissed Dean’s neck. “I’ll lay a towel down.” He held Dean close and nipped over his shoulder. 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck, loosely, and nuzzled him. “I…” He trailed off with a moan as Cas bit a particularly sensitive spot on his shoulder. He tangled his fingers in Cas’s hair and pushed his head closer. 

Cas laughed. “Eager?”

“Very.” Dean huffed and pulled Cas’s head back, kissing him deep and hot. 

Cas kissed back, hands moving to Dean’s waist and lifting him up so Dean could straddle him. 

Dean woke up to Cas’s cell ringing. Cas was up, immediately, grabbing it and answering it. “Hello?”

Dean frowned and propped himself up. He listened to Cas talk to the other person. “Yes. Yes, I understand. Thank you.” Cas hung up and sat on the bed. 

“They have confirmed he’s in there.” He mumbled. 

Dean wasn’t sure what to feel. Relief that Gabriel wasn’t dead? Or dread that he’d been in such an awful place for so long… He was quiet as he watched Cas breathe. “That’s… good, right? That he isn’t dead at least?”

“Good?? I’d rather he be dead! He’s been tortured and abused for five years and- and I have to wait even longer for him to be saved.” Cas got up. All of the anger from earlier seemed to be exploding out of him. 

Dean didn’t mean to flinch. Luckily, Cas didn’t see. “I’m sorry…” He sat up. 

Cas ran a hand down his face and started to pull his jeans on. 

Dean frowned. “What are you doing?”

“I need to walk somewhere.” Cas pulled on a tee-shirt and then grabbed his coat. “I’ll be back.”

Dean frowned. “Hang on, let me get dressed and I’ll-”

“No. I need to be alone for a moment.” Cas left. Dean frowned and laid back on the pillows. He really hoped Cas didn’t do anything stupid. 

When it was officially morning, he got up and made breakfast for himself, knowing Cas likely wouldn’t eat even if he came home early enough. 

He settled in on the couch and played another video game, until lunch. Then, he made himself a sandwich and finally let himself worry. Cas should have been home by now…

He just got dressed for work. 

It was a long shift. Sammy came in to say hi, bringing him a gift card to a restaurant he and Cas liked. “Thank you… I’m guessing you heard the news?”

“I did…” Sam nodded and sighed. “I’m trying to help but they won’t let me. Ruby wants me at home, anyway.” 

“I don’t blame her. They’re gonna get him out, Sam.” Dean smiled. 

Sam nodded. “He… I feel bad… It’s gonna be different for him…” 

Dean nodded in agreement. “He’s spent a while in there. I’m sure he’ll adjust. Besides, we’ll all be there to help him when he gets out. Right?”

“I’m gonna try but Ruby thinks I should leave it to the police.”

Dean resisted telling Sam exactly what he thought about Ruby, instead just nodding. “We can still help him readjust to life out here.”

Sam nodded and smiled a bit. “We can.” He hugged Dean before leaving. 

Dean sighed as he went back to the customer’s car, working on finishing it. He checked his phone when he was done. He sent a picture of the gift card to Cas. “Date tonight?”

He frowned when he saw Cas had read it but didn’t reply. Dean was now really worried.

At the end of his shift, he went home. Cas on the couch, face buried in his hands. 

Dean frowned as he noticed the empty beer bottles. 

“Baby?” he asked, softly. 

Cas immediately got up and hugged Dean, burying his face in Dean’s neck. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have left but I… I’m so scared…”

Dean relaxed and closed his eyes. “It’s okay… Are you drunk?”

Cas nodded and hugged Dean tighter. “Didn’t wanna deal…” 

Dean smiled and kissed Cas’s cheek. “Come on. It’s late, let’s eat something and then go to bed.”

Cas nodded and pulled away, sitting on the couch again. Dean got him some food and then himself some food, sitting to eat with Cas. 

They ate in silence. Dean didn’t want to make Cas feel worse. And he suspected Cas felt bad enough. 

“It’s gonna be okay.” Dean promised, after a while of eating. “We get through everything. We’ll get through this.” 

Cas nodded. “Together?” 

“Together, Cas. Always together.” Dean kissed his cheek and then gathered up their trash. He then pulled Cas to their bedroom, laying with him. 

“We can use that gift card tomorrow…” Cas looked up at Dean. 

Dean smiled and nodded. “I’d like that. If you aren’t too hungover that is.”

Cas buried his face in his neck, falling asleep. 

Dean smiled and held him close. He wasn’t very tired. He was just glad Cas okay. 

They’d be okay. Gabriel was gonna be saved soon and then they’d help him readjust to normal life and everything would be okay. Everything was gonna be okay. 

Dean hoped so, at least.


	6. The End

They were about to get the call to see if Gabriel had been rescued during the raid. Cas had been going on and on about how those cops better be gentle with his brother and pacing and growling. 

Dean had called Sam to update him, and now Sam was on his way there. They were going to drive up to meet Gabriel once it was confirmed. 

“Baby, sit for a moment.” Dean murmured. “Come on, you gotta relax. It might scare Gabriel if you’re all aggressive like this.”

Cas looked at Dean for a moment before sighing. His shoulders slumped inward and he just moved over and sat by Dean, “I want him to be okay…”

Dean smiled and held him close. “He will be.”

Cas nodded. “I hope so… God, I can’t imagine what it has been like all these years… He must have felt so alone…”

Dean kissed Cas’s hair and ran his fingers through it. “You wanna eat?”

“I don’t think I can…” Cas sighed and closed his eyes. “My nerves have my stomach too tight.”

“That’s alright.” Dean nodded and kissed Cas’s hair again. “We’ll just rest and wait for the call.” 

Cas nodded and laid back with Dean. Dean continued to soothe Cas by running his hands through his hair and playing with it. 

When Sam got there, Dean started to make dinner. He was glad Sam hadn’t brought Ruby. He listened to Cas and Sam chat in the living room, both avoiding mention of Gabriel.

Dean felt… oddly calm. He wasn’t really stressed or upset. Which made him feel bad. He was happy that Cas was gonna see Gabriel again. But he just… didn’t feel stressed. Mostly worried for Cas. And Gabriel. 

He did feel a little stressed when he thought about the future. But, he was avoiding it. Things would be fine. They would be. Right?

He called the two alphas over when he finished cooking and set the table. When they moved in, Dean had been so excited that they now had a small table. It was amazing. Just enough to fit four people but it did get bigger when they needed to seat more. Like when they had Cas’s dad over and waited to find out if the raid had been approved. Since Sam was studying to be a lawyer, he already had friends in the FBI as well as the police department.

So they had been kept well in the loop. 

Cas had been thankful to Sam for making it so they could be, but Dean always suspected Sam had done it for himself. He knew Sam had feelings for Gabriel. That losing him had crushed Sam. 

So it was no surprise that Sam would want to be heavily involved in getting Gabriel back. However, what Dean was surprised by was the fact Sammy hadn’t gotten rid of Ruby the moment he found out Gabriel was alive. Sam could lie to everyone else and say he loved Ruby but Dean could see it in his eyes. When he looked at her. Apathy. 

Dean had seen more affection in his eyes when looking at a donut. Not when looking at her. And Ruby was a massive bitch. She hated animals. She had to have everything be her way. 

She’d once threatened to take Sam away from Dean if Dean tried to give his opinion on her. He knew how Sam was so he never said anything in case she tried. Instead, he just waited. 

Sammy would eventually figure it out on his own.

Halfway through dinner, Chuck showed up, wanting to be there for the news. He was doing way better than he had been when Gabriel first disappeared. Dean got Chuck a plate, having anticipated him showing up. “Here you go, Mr Shurley.” Dean murmured and set it in front of him. 

“Thank you Dean. Remember, it’s just Chuck.” Chuck smiled. Dean sat with them and continued to eat. Cas had placed his phone on the center of the table so they could easily reach it and the news station covering the raid was on the TV. However, they wouldn’t be allowed to show the victims being pulled out. 

Dean ignored the TV and focused on his food. Cas didn’t eat as he had said before. He just watched the phone. Sam seemed to be making an attempt to eat. Chuck was eating but Dean could tell it was just to be polite. 

He didn’t mind. He’d just made spaghetti, so he wasn’t too upset if they didn’t eat. More for him. He didn’t bother trying to start a conversation, knowing everyone was too anxious to really chat right now. 

As the time drew closer to when they’d have identified all of the victims, the tension in the room became thick. 

Dean could feel it. And smell it. The anxiety had gone from just being visible in tense shoulders and worried eyes to bad enough Dean could smell it coming from the other three. 

He picked up the plates and put what wasn’t eaten back in the pot before putting the lid on it and then looking for tupperware to make up some for Gabriel. 

He was sure the poor kid would be starving. 

As he finished setting it up, the phone finally rang. Cas managed to grab it first and answered. “Yes? I see… We’ll be right up there. I understand. Yes. Yes, of course.” Cas hung up. 

Not another word was spoken as they all piled into the impala. Dean drove, mostly because he didn’t trust the others to not crash his baby. 

Cas was up front with him. Dean took his hand at a red light. “This is good.” He promised. 

Cas nodded. “I know. I know.”

Dean nodded and continued to drive. When they got to the station, they were made to wait before they were brought to a room where most of the omegas who had been rescued were being held while their families were contacted. Gabriel was curled up on a bench, his head in his arms. 

Dean couldn’t help the choked sound that escaped him as he saw just what state Gabriel was in. He had scars up and down his arms and his torso was wrapped in bandages stained dark red. 

Cas slowly approached him, crouching down so their faces were at the same level. He spoke softly to him. Dean could just barely hear it. “Hey… Hey, it’s me… Gabe, it’s Cassie.”

Gabriel’s head slowly raised, and he seemed to inspect Cas’s face. He didn’t quite look like he trusted that Cas was really Cas. But then he saw Dean. Dean hadn’t really aged much. He looked about the same as he did when he last saw Gabriel. Gabriel looked at Sam and then his eyes got wide. “It really is you…” He grabbed Cas’s face and looked into his eyes. 

Cas stayed still while Gabriel looked over his face. “You got kinda old…” Gabriel mumbled, after a bit. 

Cas laughed, half sobbed, and pulled Gabriel into his arms. 

Gabriel immediately melted into the hug, eyes closing. 

When Cas pulled away, he helped him up, pulling off his jacket and wrapping it around him. Dean offered the clothes he’d brought so Gabriel would have some, and Gabriel put them on the bathroom. When he came out, he stumbled on his legs. 

Dean caught him, as he’d been waiting by the door. “Come on.” he smiled and put an arm under Gabriel’s armpit to support him. He knew Gabriel would likely want to try to walk, if he was still how he used to be. 

He was right as Gabriel didn’t accept Cas’s or Sam’s offer to carry him out to the car. “We’ll have to take you to the hospital tomorrow. But they said you can stay with us tonight…” Dean explained. 

Gabriel nodded a bit. He sat in the back between Cas and Chuck. He was curled into Chuck, asleep. Cas didn’t take his eyes off him. 

Dean knew this because he kept checking in the rearview mirror. He smiled as he saw Cas comfort Gabriel when he started to whimper. Sam was leaned against the door in the front. Dean pat his arm. “It’ll be okay.” 

“I know. He’s home.” Sam nodded. They were quiet so they wouldn’t wake Gabriel.

Dean nodded and smiled. “He is.” He focused on the road and continued to drive, falling silent. He considered the future and wondered if things really would be okay now. He glanced back at Gabriel in the back. 

Things just were never that easy, were they?

* * *

_ Dean’s eyes opened and he looked at the ceiling of his hospital room. He whimpered, not recognizing this place.  _

_ He saw Gabriel come over into view and he looked at him with wide eyes. “Where am I?” _

_ “The hospital…” Gabriel’s voice was quiet. Like he didn’t want to tell the truth but knew he had to.  _

_ “It… It was real??” He felt the tears welling up in him as he remembered the feeling of their touch. It was so painful. He didn’t want their touch.  _

_ “Yes. It was real. I’m so sorry, Dean.”  _

_ Dean couldn’t help the sob that escaped him. He felt Gabriel’s arms move around him and he was quick to return the embrace, clinging to the other omega as he cried.  _

_ He just wanted to return to the memories. To go back to listening to his parents dance in the kitchen and Sammy play with his toys.  _

_ Or to at least go back to the memory of Cas and his first year together, to eating spaghetti on the couch and watching shitty rom coms. To having rough sex on their kitchen island, too wrapped up in each other to worry about getting pregnant or if the neighbors heard. To arguing over which actor better portrayed some dumb superhero even though Dean knew Cas was just playing devil’s advocate because it amused him when Dean got all riled up.  _

_ Cas never even knew who the characters were. _

_ He just wanted to go back. Please? _

* * *

_ An-am-ne-ses _

_ The remembering of things from a previous existence. _


End file.
